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| MY BROTHERS SISTER AND MY MOTHER AND ME |
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| ME |
| ST ANDREWS CHURCH WITH OUT THE SURPORT OF THE CHURCH I DONT THINK I WOULD BE HERE |
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| MY SON LEON |
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| MY DAUGHTER AND ME |
CHAPTER 1
The abuse and how is started
I wanted to write this book to help people who have suffered from sexual abuse like I have.. It started when I was six, before then my home life was not that bad, I can?t remember much, but I can remember my first day at school, I cried because my mother had left me, that was one of the first things I can remember, before then I can?t remember much at all. I grow up in Long Melford in Suffolk. I had two brothers and one sister, I was the youngest, my brother was next he was eighteen months older than me, then there was my other brother, he was 2 years older than my brother and then came my sister she was the oldest. When I was six my life changed for ever, the first time I can remember was when I was sitting on my step fathers lap, he would touch me, that is how it all stating just the odd touch here and there. I new it was wrong but I just wanted my fathers love so I carried on sitting on his lap, my mother new I use to sit with him and she was fine with it. I could not believe that she allowed this to carry on. After the touching, it got to be more. I used to share a bedroom with my sister but a lot of times she was not home. When I was about six and a half my step dad, would make me go in to his bedroom, my mother and step dad never slept together my mum was bad on her legs so she had her bedroom down in the living room. So it was easy for my step father to get me in to his room , he use to get me to play with him and wank him of he use to have a pan he would get me to wank him of in to that. He would also play with me until he got me to cum. While I am writing this I am finding it hard not to cry but I feel ready now to share it and I want to help others. This went on night after night, when my sister was not about he use to come in to my room or he would lock me in the bathroom. The first time I can remember him having full sex with me, was near my seventh birthday he would say things like you won't get that for your birthday if you don't do this to me even things like food would be limited unless I did as he asked. The rapes went on almost every night. Some times it use to be in his bedroom and sometimes it was in mine but he seem to do it when no one was about. It was not so much about the sexual abuse it was also to do with the mental abuse he use to call me mad and dumb, and sex was all I was good for and that no one would ever love me. He treated all of us like shit I can remember when I was small he only give my mother 10 pounds a week to live on I don?t know why she put up with it I think deep down she was frightened of him like we all was, I can remember getting hit by a belt a few times and we could only watch 2 hours of TV a day. I can also remember, that he was tight with money. He brought home a head shaver one day and he shaved all my hair off and sent me to school like it, I got the piss taking out of me so bad I hated him for that and I just wanted to die. Also he would do things like buy a big bag of onions and we would have to have nothing but onions every day for 2 weeks, he would also buy meat and cooked it and left it until it was cold so it would go further, I hated eating cold greasy meat and sometimes it would make me feel sick. At Christmas time my mum did her best to get us what she could but my father would not give her much so we did not get much but we made the best of what we had. My mother spent a lot of time in hospital when I was young she had a lot of health problems which was not her fault. She must have been in hospital more than she was home I hated it when she had to go in there because I new things at home would get a lot worse, because my dad was our carer which he loved. As it gave him more power over us. When my sister left home and my mother was in hospital I would have to help around the house, I would still have all my school work to do and help run the house. If everything was not right I use to get a slap and I would have to do it again, I can recall one time I was doing potatoes for dinner and beans the skins were to thick my dad made me scrub the outer skins and use the potatoes under the skin even thought it hurt my hand doing so and it made my hand bleed, I think he liked seeing people suffer as he was always going on about the war time, and how hard they had it I think he liked running his house like war time people use to live. As if I did not have enough to deal with at home something else happened when I was only 6 by someone else. When I was six I also got raped by a family friend who knew my mother and father, so I think they use to talk to each other and this was planned between them both. The person I was raped by, a family friend, I use to play with his son Graham, he lived across the road from us, we use to live at number 14 and they lived at number 9, the whole family and him, seemed ok at first because he was married with 2 children, Graham age 7and a baby that had just been born. I can?t remember his wife or babies name. I was round his one day in the school holidays playing with Graham we were playing on his bike Grahams mother had gone back to work and his dad was painting there house I think it was the main bedroom, Graham and I went in to his house to get a drink, his dad came down to see if we were both ok after I had finished my drink Graham father asked me if I would give him a hand with something in the bedroom, so I said yes, we went in to the main bedroom and the bed had been covered over with a blanket when he came in the room behind me, even though I did not see him do it, he had locked the door and then grabbed me and pushed me on to his bed and covered my mouth with his hand and then he asked me if I knew where babies came from, it all happened so quick I was shell shocked, and I was so frightened I just let him rape me it hurt like hell I have never felt pain like that before or have I every since. when he was done he pulled me of the bed and said if I told anyone he would kill me and my mum I was crying so much I could not see much. Then he unlocked the door I went running out still crying, Graham asked what was wrong and if was ok at first I said nothing and then I said I just wanted to go home because I did not like him anymore, I can remembering him trying to pull my hair and after I got away I would never go round there again, my mum asked me why and so did Grahams mum so I told my mum that I had fell out with Graham, but said nothing about what Smithy had done to me. Nothing was never said until I was 15, one day I come home from school, the police was waiting for me, the policeman explained to me, that Mr Smith, Grahams father, had raped another young girl around the same age as me, and when he was being questioned by the police, he told them, about what he had done to me, and other girls. I had to live it all over again, like it was yesterday, when I was telling the police what had happened. Back then when I was 6 I was so shocked and felt so guilty that he had the chance to do this to some one else, because I never said anything to anyone I felt like it was my fault that this man was free to do this to someone else, knowing that had happened it hurt me more than the rape. The police took a statement and said as he had pleaded guilty I would not have to go to court which I was so pleased about. When the police went my step father and mother went mad but I believe this was planned and my step father knew about it all along. After I was raped by Smithy I became so low even at the young age of 6, but that did not stop the abuse by my father, the worst part was I had that in my mind and I could not say anything because my father was doing the same thing. it got to the stage that I thought being sexual abused or raped was the right way to live and it was a part of a normal up bringing . so when my dad would say come in to my bed I would just did it. I felt so guilty about that then and now because I would just go along with what he said and done and because of this, I hated myself for so long and had lots of guilt inside . I hated my life even at the age of nine or ten I thought about killing myself but I was scared I don't know what I was more frightened about weather it was my dad abuse or death. After what had happened with Smithy I must of cried my self to sleep almost every night. I wound not want anyone to go though what I had been though, even today I think to myself if there was something I had done to make these two people act the way they did. It was not always about the sexual abuse it was some of the other things he did he use to call me Vic and said I would never find anyone who will love me. I think that is why now days I find it hard to believe that people love me for who I am, When I was 11 I can recall a day when my mother saw what he was doing to me. It was during the summer holidays I had got home from the park with my 2 brothers, my mother had just got home when I was with my dad in the living room he had tried to touch me he did not see but my mother had walked in and saw what he was doing she asked what he was doing by touching me and he said he was not doing anything and that my mum was seeing things. My mother must have known what he was doing because she called him a dirty bastard and told me to get out of the room, she never said anything to me so I ran out of the house crying, we lived right near a field so I went up there and sat there for ages I sat there just thinking what had taken place and I was wondering why my mother had not kicked him out of the house or phoned the police, by that time I had been sitting there for about an hour even though it seemed longer when my brother Andrew came and got me. It was like nothing had just happened she had believed his lies yet again my mother had been blinded to what was going on. I find it hard to believe a mother could do that to there own daughter and how she could see him touching me and not kicked him out of the house for good. my god I so was cross and angry at this women for so long as she could have stopped all the hurt and abuse from happening there and then but she chose not to, I felt like she did not love me as I thought a mother is meant to love me and cared for me no matter what, and she had yet again put a man first as always I cried so much that night because I thought my mum would have stopped him doing it all together. After my mother has seen him the abuse stopped for about 4 months I thought great it has stopped but I was wrong he got more angry and he said if I said anything he would starve me to death and I would have no food to eat and no one would believe me. as even my mother had not believed me, so I just used to let him do what he had to do. What had made it more worse was my sister had left home by now and I had my own bedroom. The abuse went on until I was 16 when I left school I went and stayed with friends for about a year, but when I my friends moved I had to move back home for a year it was very hard to go back but he said he had changed but I made the worst decision of my life because he had not changed at all I got pregnant by him. When I went back home the abuse started again looking back on it I wished I had walked the streets instead of going home but back then I did not think like that I just wanted a roof over my head My farther was just as bad as before I can?t believe I walked back into that again but when you are young you don't think sometimes. Like I said I got pregnant by him. One day I got up and I noticed that I was bleeding clots of blood I went down and told my mother my mum made me go to the doctors the doctor I had when I was growing up was lovely he did not know what was going on so he sent me to the hospital for some tests. I was so frightened when I was in there but on the other hand it got me away from my father. The hospital they keep saying to me was I pregnant and I kept saying no as they would always ask me when my dad or mum was about. I lied to them and said I don't even have a boyfriend but I new I was pregnant and my dad was the father. In the end the hospital took my word that I was not pregnant but they must have known I was losing the baby I think it was god that is why I lost this baby because he would of known that the baby would be unwanted, I think deep down my dad new I was having his baby but he did not say anything to me only I was a slag. I had mixed feeling about the baby I lost because it was not fair on the baby I carried for a few weeks but I could not have copped being a mother to a baby by rape. Soon after that I left home for good I could not take any more, I meet my first boyfriend and we moved in together.
Chapter 2
Reporting the Abuse
I had a job and I had a very good boss, who I trusted so much his name was Andrew he always said to me if you ever want to talk I am here for you. One night I was working and I just broke down and cried he ask me what I was crying about and what I was always thinking about as some times he would speak to me and I was not there in mind and why was I so unhappy all of the time I think he new something was very wrong I told him everything about my father he was so shocked but he phoned the police and social services and I had to go and see them with his help I did so he was with me all the way.. I told the police only what I felt comfortable with as I was still scared of my abuser, they went round to see him and my mother but like always he lied his way out of things my mum backed him up and said it was not true I was a liar. I was so shocked when the police said it was my word against his, it would have gone to court but with my mother backing him it would be hard to get a conviction, I was so angry with the police and social services I felt they had let me down so I dropped the charges against him. After it all come out about what my step father had done and my mother had backed him up I felt as I was not loved by any of my family I had left school with out any GCSE as all the time I was at school I messed around so much that I went to 2 different schools, looking back on it now I wish I had not been like that and done so much better but with my home life being so bad and the way things were I had to let of steam somewhere so I did this at school. While I was at school I had a teacher called Michael Congdon i got on so well with him he helped me so much to get though school and stop me from walking out or being kicked out I owe everything to this great man he was like the dad I had always wanted. When I left school I had my first job that is where I meet Andrew my boss I did a YTS course working in a shop 3 days a week and going to collage 2 days I loved it I was out every day and meeting new people it was a great place to work. While I was there like I said my boss reported what had happened to me as a child. While I was under the police about my father I meet a copper who I got close to, his name was Micheal Last he is the one who went over and spoke to my father he wanted me to take action but I was frighten to as I thought if the social services did not believe me was it worth going to court. When I meet Mickey Last I found I had my first crush I was in love with him I know he cared for me but not in the way I cared for him he was tall with blond hair and he had such a lovely smile he was so caring and kind. I know he cared for me because when he spoke to my dad he told him not to touch me any more because he will personally see to it that he would face the full wrath of the law, at last i had a man in my life who stuck up for me against my father so I don't know if I was in love with him because he was my hero or because I did have a crush on him. After leaving my YTS I got a nanny job looking after 2 little girls it was not in Sudbury it was a live in job I was there for a few months and it was hard work but it was nice being away for my home town. Michael Last use to phone me 3 or 4 times a week to see how I was coping I think he felt a bit guilty because he believed that my father should have gone to jail for what he had done, I did not tell my new boss any thing about my past but I left there after a few months as I missed my friends like micky to much so I headed back to Sudbury I never went back home to my mother and father I had saved a bit of money so I went and stayed with my brother for a few days while I found some where to live. I found that when I got back to Sudbury that I blocked out all about my childhood well as much as I could. over the next few years I had a few jobs like factory work or shop work I also worked in a pub for over a year but when I was working at the factory job I got a phone call one day with some very sad news. My friend Michael Last had died in a car crash I felt like my whole life had crashed down I could not believe this had happened to my hero I had only spoken to him about 3 days before on the phone and he had told me he had been posted to a different police station for a few weeks, I could not believe that he was gone I must have past out when his mate had phoned and told me I just remember putting the phone down and crying and the next think I can remember was I was in my bedroom my landlord had found me on the floor past out and he had put me in my room and laid me on the bed he phoned the doctor who came out and saw me it was such a hard time for me. When my father found out he said to me that it could not have happened to a better person I was so angry that he had said this that I just shouted at him and my mum down the phone.
Chapter 3
Moving on
After getting over this and doing a few job like I said in a pub and shop work I meet my husband to be Dave, I meet him on a burger van after work on a Saturday I use to go and get a burger from a burger van that use to be called Jim he was a nice person so after work I use to go and talk to him and every week Dave use to be there we got talking and we went on a few dates and as they say the rest is history we ended up getting married on February 29 1992. and then come our children Sophie Louis she was born on December 4th 1991 and then we had Leon James he was born September 22 1994 I thought at last I had got over my past and I had moved on but little did I know I had not. I had been married for six year and even though sometimes thing were hard we got though it when my daughter turned 6 I started to feel very low I had my son who was around 3 at the time and I found myself feeling more down day by day, my husband new a bit about my past but not all of it, it got so I tried to take my own life I was admitted in to the mental health unit I was in there for almost 4 months I was so angry all the time and I just want to hurt my self and other people I could not understand why this was happing now after all this time. The doctor told me that when Sophie reached the age of 6 that it brought back memories of my childhood because my abuse has started at that age I had done my best to block it out but know it was all out in the open. I missed my husband and kids so much I was away from home for over 6 months all together and I found this so hard my husband had been good by bringing the kids up to see me but when you hit rock bottom you can?t see that. Since then I have been in the mental health unit 3 times, it all came out about what and happened with my father and being raped by smithy and about my father getting me pregnant. I think my husband was shocked at what had happened to me, he new a bit but he found out a lot more when I was in hospital. I was a bitch to him when I was ill I wish I had not been like that to him but when your mind goes you don't know what you are saying or doing most of the time. He had to give up his work because he had to stay at home to look after the kids, and I still treated his so badly I am surprised he is still with me to this day but I love him so much. I wanted to tell you, what I have done over the past two or three years, that has help me to move on. I have done so much which I am proud of, If I went back a few years, I would not have done anything or go anywhere. I use to get panic attacks, when I was around to many people, I use to get frightened, of men, but now I am out all the time, doing a lot of courses. In 2013 my daughter and I did a works for you course which we both pass. We also did a sixteen week course called Suffolk Switched On, where we trained in ways, to help people, with there fuel poverty. I have also passed my first aid at work course, which the church paid for, because I am the first aid person at our local lunch club, which my husband, daughter and I help at every two weeks. I start a new maths course next week, which I am looking forward to. I have just done a English course, for almost a year, I passed leave one, last year. I took the test for leave 2 a few days ago and I missed out by one point, so I am sitting it again this week. I am so proud .how far I have come along, and you could get to this point to. I would like in the end to train as a councillor, so I can help people who have suffered abuse. I feel like I have a knowledge to do this because I have been there and suffered abuse so I feel I can relate to people who have gone thought the same We have had some good times and some bad times, but you learn to cope with them. A person told me once that people treat you, the way you let them treat you, this is so true. I still get my down days and so will you, but you get to the Stage were you learn to cope. My family and I have had lots of bereavements over the last two years, I lost my mother-in-law in 2012 and in that same year I lost my best friend she took her own life. My friend daughter she was only 11.when she died about six weeks after my best friend. In 2013 Michael Congdon past away I am still coming to terms with it, but you have to show your abuser that you can cope. The last time I was in the mental health unit, was over 2 years ago, I am so proud, that I have coped with everything with out having to self harm. I hope you find ways that will help you. I had to have counselling for a long time. She gave me some ways to help me with the guilt I had in side. For years I blamed myself thinking I did something wrong, or I asked for it. I had mixed feelings because he was the only father I had every had so I found it hard to understand why I had feelings for him in one way, but I hated him and I wanted him dead in another way. I also could not understand when a part of me felt good when he was playing with me, and that is why I had so much guilt inside, thinking there must be something wrong with me. The doctor who I was under in the hospital told me, that a lot of people think like that because when someone is being sexual to you, it feels good but it can hurt to. I get on with my mother most of the times, we have had our problems, but deep down she has been hurt to. It took me a long time to forgive her, but it did not do her or me any good, I know she had a hard life with him , and she was a victim like we were. I have even forgiving my father because you have to because you have to, to help you move on. When people abuse family members or commit rape, they are just sick in the head. If you learn to forgive the power goes and you start to feel peace.
Chapter 4
Help and advice
I have not told you about my past to make you feel sorry for me, far from it The reason I had to tell you my story was to help you and me to move on, In this chapter, I wanted to help you, by giving you, some help and advice on ways to cope from the effects of being abuse as a child or, if you know some one who have gone though sexual abuse or rape. I also would like to help you cope better with the mental health illness that you could suffer from as a result from your abuse or rape. Or if you know any one who have suffered from mental health problems like I have. Like I said I have been in the mental health 3 times, I found out it was all due to my past, I was not surprised as something like that can not stay hidden for to long. when I was in bury St Edmunds mental health unit for the first time I was told I had a borderline personally disorder and a touch of OCD I think that when you have been the victim of abuse or rape it stays with you all your life, You can find ways to cope with it, but it will never leave you. I was told by the doctor that A lot of people who have been abused turn to drugs or drink or sex but I have not been down that road at all, as I don?t think that drinking or taking drugs is going to get rid of the pain, as I believe the pain is still there, when you stop doing those things. I saw that with my brother he was abused by my father as well, and he used to drink to forget, but like I say this is not the answer he found that out the hard way as it almost killed him and he lost his family over it. I am so pleased that he don?t drink any more, and he is remarried with 2 children, I think he has done so well, I don?t see him much but he looks so much better. My other brother would not even talk about what had happened to us all he would just say that he don?t want to be reminded of it and then he gets moody and he has a go at me for trying to help other people.. As for my sister she has not said much about what had happened to her or anything about our past. I would not push it as it needs to come from her. She did moved away from Sudbury to get away from my father, she left home at the age of 16 or just a bit after leaving school. I think when you go though any kind of abuse you have to learn not to be so angry with your abuser as I don?t think this is very good for your mental health I did for so long and now I wish I had not as you are still giving your abuser the power as you hurt in side. but you can?t move on until you learn to talk about what had happened to you by facing it head on this will give the power back to you. Like I said I found out that my step dad had abused all my brothers and sister I was so angry and hurt for them I thought if he was doing it to me maybe he was leaving them alone but he was so sick my mind could not even go there. I new he had mental abused all of us but he use to rape my brothers and sister to, I found this out when my brother was drinking a lot, it was only then that my mother had to believe what was under he noise for so long because my sister told my mother it was true. My brothers sister and I have all handled it in our own There are a lot of places and web sites I went on, where people will help you. I also go to a weekly group so look up what support groups you got near you I will list a few web sites in this book so look out for them. When I was having counselling they told me ways that I could help myself with to get over the main guilt and anger that had built up about the abuse. I would like to share them with you. 1) write a letter to your abuser but don?t send it. This helps because you can write down all your anger on paper without any one looking at it it will be only for you. I found this very useful as my father has past away I could not talk to him face so I could tell him why he had hurt me and how much I hated him. 2) Write to all the people in your family, who hurt you in the past and tell them why they have hurt you and tell them how it made you feel I did this I wrote a letter to my mother and brothers and sister telling them why they had hurt me and why my mother did not stop the abuse and why my family did not protected me. I did not post any of the letters but it helps to explain how you I was feeling. 3) Send off for a death certificate if your abuser has past away As my step dad had past away and I was getting flash backs and bad nightmares I was advised to send of for his death certificate, even though I knew he was dead my mind was saying something different so every time I had a flash back I had that I could look at. I found over time the flashbacks got less and less so after a few months I ripped it up. 4) Keep a diary with all your feelings in and don?t show anyone them it is for your eyes only and it did not make me feel bad by running people down who were in your life past or present, I found when people said the wrong thing it brought back some flashbacks of my father or the horrible things he would say to me, like if I had a row with my husband and he said anything like my dad use to say it brought back memories of the past, some times I even saw my fathers face and not my husband which I found so scary and it use to make me mad. 5)You have the right to say no, no is not a very big word but it means so much to someone who has suffered from abuse. When you was a child and growing up you could not say no because your abuser would not let you because you were so frightened of them or you could not say anything back to them, but now you have the right to say no if you are not happy with something say no because once you learn to it will be come a lot easier each time. For a few years after my abuse I would not say no to my old boyfriends if they wanted sex with me as I did not want to upset them, I was wrong by doing this as it just felt like I was being raped all over again. In my mind I thought that this was the only way to keep a man but it is not. It was only when I had my first breakdown I learn to say no, and it felt good Inside. if you are with someone and they make you have sex when you don?t really want to in my eyes that is classed as rape and they are no better than your abuser. I also want to give you some advice on depressions and some of the mental health illness I have had and are linked to someone who had suffered from sexual abuse or mental abuse. borderline personality disorder. When I had my first breakdown I was told I had a borderline personally disorder I had never heard of it until that day so I wanted to find out more. With a personally disorder you feel like you are not loved by anyone. Also If you have BPD, you may experience a range of often intense negative emotions, such as: rage, sorrow, shame, panic, terror, long-term feelings of emptiness and loneliness. I felt all theses things I had a lot of rage I also had a lot of shame, I don?t know why I had that because when you are only six it is not your felt at any thing that has happened to you.. I found I felt lonely even though I had a lot of good friends and I was married but like my doctor said you can be in a room full of people but still be lonely inside. There is a illness that I linked to only solders having this is Post-traumatic stress disorder If you have faced a traumatic experience, like rape abuse or mental abuse you may simply feel emotionally numb to begin with, and feelings of distress may not emerge straight away. But sooner or later, you are likely to develop emotional and physical reactions, and changes in behaviour, which may include some of the following: Reliving aspects of the trauma vivid flashbacks (feeling that the trauma is happening all over again)intrusive thoughts and images nightmares intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of the trauma. Avoiding memories keeping busy avoiding situations that remind you of the trauma repressing memories (being unable to remember aspects of the event)feeling detached, cut off and emotionally numb being unable to express affection feeling there?s no point in planning for the future. Being easily upset or angry disturbed sleep irritability and aggressive behaviour lack of concentration extreme alertness panic response to anything to do with the trauma being easily startled. continuous low mood or sadness feeling hopeless and helpless having low self-esteem feeling tearful feeling guilt-ridden feeling irritable and intolerant of others having no motivation or interest in things finding it difficult to make decisions not getting any enjoyment out of life feeling anxious or worried having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself I was also told that I was suffering from. Clinical depression Physical symptoms include moving or speaking more slowly than usual change in appetite or weight (usually decreased, but sometimes increased) constipation unexplained aches and pains lack of energy or lack of interest in sex (loss of libido) changes to your menstrual cycle disturbed sleep (for example, finding it hard to fall asleep at night or waking up very early in the morning) Social symptoms include not doing well at work taking part in fewer social activities and avoiding contact with friends neglecting your hobbies and interests having difficulties in your home and family life. Psychological symptoms include: continuous low mood or sadness feeling hopeless and helpless having low self-esteem feeling tearful feeling guilt-ridden feeling irritable and intolerant of others having no motivation or interest in things finding it difficult to make decisions not getting any enjoyment out of life feeling anxious or worried having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself which I have done no ends of time. I hope what I have told you about in this chapter will helped you, as I found this advice has helped me a lot.
CHAPTER 5
WHERE TO GO FOR HELP.
Clinical depression Depression is more than simply feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days. We all go through spells of feeling down, but when you're depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days. Some people still think that depression is trivial and not a genuine health condition. They're wrong. Depression is a real illness with real symptoms, and it's not a sign of weakness or something you can "snap out of" by "pulling yourself together". The good news is that with the right treatment and support, most people can make a full recovery. How to tell if you have depression Depression affects people in different ways and can cause a wide variety of symptoms. They range from lasting feelings of sadness and hopelessness, to losing interest in the things you used to enjoy and feeling very tearful. Many people with depression also have symptoms of anxiety. There can be physical symptoms too, such as feeling constantly tired, sleeping badly, having no appetite or sex drive, and complaining of various aches and pains. The severity of the symptoms can vary. At its mildest, you may simply feel persistently low in spirit, while at its most severe depression can make you feel suicidal and that life is no longer worth living. Most people experience feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety during difficult times. A low mood may improve after a short time, rather than being a sign of depression.When to see a doctor It's important to seek help from your GP if you think you may be depressed. If you've been feeling low for more than a few days, take this short test to find out if you're depressed. Many people wait a long time before seeking help for depression, but it's best not to delay. The sooner you see a doctor, the sooner you can be on the way to recovery. Sometimes there is a trigger for depression. Life-changing events, such as bereavement, losing your job or even having a baby, can bring it on. People with a family history of depression are also more likely to experience it themselves. But you can also become depressed for no obvious reason. Find out more about the causes of depression. Depression is quite common and affects about one in 10 of us at some point. It affects men and women, young and old. Depression can also strike children. Studies have shown that about 4% of children aged five to 16 in the UK are affected by depression. Treatment Treatment for depression involves either medication or talking treatments, or usually a combination of the two. The kind of treatment that your doctor recommends will be based on the type of depression you have. Read more about the treatment of depression. Living with depression Many people with depression benefit by making lifestyle changes such as getting more exercise, cutting down on alcohol and eating more healthily. Self-help measures such as reading a self-help book or joining a support group are also worthwhile. There are a lot of web sites so take a look 15 Ways To Support a Loved One with Serious Mental Illness Supporting a loved one with mental illness presents many challenges. But one of them isn?t blame. It?s important for families ?to learn that they didn?t cause [their loved one?s disorder] and they can?t cure it,? according to Harriet Lefley, Ph.D, professor at the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine who?s worked with families for 25 years. Still, how you treat your loved one has a big impact on their well-being. But their behaviours can exacerbate the symptoms,? she said. In fact, Dr. Lefley cited a large amount of literature on expressed emotion that found that patients of families who expressed hostility and criticism toward their loved one (e.g., believing the patient was lazy) or were emotionally overinvolved (e.g., ?I?d give my left arm if he?d get well?) were more likely to relapse 1. Educate yourself about the illness. 2. Seek out resources. 3. Have realistic expectations. 4. Reach out for support. 5. Work closely with your loved one?s treatment team. 6. Let your loved one have control. 7. Encourage them to talk to their mental health professional. 8. Set appropriate limits. 9. Establish equality. 10. Realize that feelings of shame and guilt are normal. 11. Recognize your loved one?s courage. 12. Help yourself. 13. Be calm. 14. Convey hope. 15. Get political. where to go to get help with mental health If unsure where to go for help, talk to someone you trust who has experience in mental health?for example, a doctor, nurse, social worker, or religious counsellor. Ask their advice on where to seek treatment. If there is a university nearby, its departments of psychiatry or psychology may offer private and/or sliding-scale fee clinic treatment options. Otherwise, check the Yellow Pages under mental health, health, social services, crisis intervention services, hotlines, hospitals, or physicians for phone numbers and addresses. In times of crisis, the emergency room doctor at a hospital may be able to provide temporary help for a mental health problem, and will be able to tell you where and how to get further help. Listed below are the types of people and places that will make a referral to, or provide, diagnostic and treatment services Family doctors Mental health specialists, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, or mental health counsellors Religious leaders/counsellors Health maintenance organizations Community mental health centres Hospital psychiatry departments and outpatient clinics University- or medical school-affiliated programs State hospital outpatient clinics Social service agencies Private clinics and facilities Employee assistance programs, You can phone the NSPCC if you think a children needs help. Phone the NSPPC Call us on 0808 800 5000. Child abuse can mean a lot of different things such as neglect, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. It's not always easy to know if you or someone you know is being abused, but the important thing to remember is that no-one has the right to hurt you or make you do anything that feels wrong. You are not alone - Child Line are here for you. Call free on 0800 1111 Physical abuse. Physical abuse is when someone deliberately hurts or injures you. It can include hitting, kicking, hair pulling, beating with objects, throwing and shaking. No one has the right to hurt you in this way. Emotional abuse If someone is always telling you that you're ugly, stupid, worthless or that they'd wished you'd never been born - that's emotional abuse. It's wrong, even if they are not doing it on purpose and can make you scared, sad and upset Sexual abuse Sexual abuse is when a child or young person is pressurised, forced, tricked or coerced into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or another young person. This can include kissing, touching the young person's genitals (private parts) or breasts, intercourse or oral sex. It can happen to anyone ? boys and girls. If you are being sexually abused it's not your fault and you're not alone Rape and sexual assault Being raped or sexually assaulted is deeply upsetting and can leave you feeling frightened, confused, and vulnerable. The most important thing to remember is that it is not your fault and you should never blame yourself for what happened. What they did was wrong and against the law. remember that you can contact ChildLine at any time on 0800 1111. If you're not getting the important things you need, or you're not being looked after properly by your parents or carers you might be experiencing neglect. I hope this has helped, if you know someone who is being abuse STOP DO THE RIGHT THING.
Thanks
I hope by writing this book it has helped someone, even if it only just helps one person it has been worth the time to write it even though I went though a lot when I was growing up I still think we are so lucky compared to a lot of people and that I am now happy, to move on, when you get to that stage you feel peace that the people who hurt you in your past can not hurt you anymore. I have done so much over the past 2 years to move on and there are some people I would like to thank My husband Dave for always putting up with me he is my rock even though we have not always got on we have sorted it out. My 2 lovely children Sophie and Leon I love them both very much and with out you 2 my life would not be worth living you 2 mean the world to me so thank you. St Andrews Church with out the help from the church I don?t know where I would be Our first vicar Jamie he was great and he came over to see me when I was in the mental health unit, John he was there for me everyday so thank you and our vicar now Chris what can I say he is amazing and I don?t know what I would do with out him to let rip at sometimes so thanks. I would also say a big thanks to the 2 men in my life who are no longer here Michael last and Michael Congdon with out these 2 men I would not be here today I owe them everything and I hope I made you proud of me. Michael Congdon I love you so much and you will always be in my heart and from now on and like before you are my dad. So thank you. Michael Last thank you for all you did for me with my father I owe you so much so thanks.
I HAVE WROTE THIS BOOK TO HELP PEOPLE WHO HAVE SUFFERD FROM SAXUAL MENTAL AND PHSOCAL ABUSE LIKE I DID FOR OVER TEN YEARS. I AM AGE 45 AND I LIVE IN SUDBURY SUFFOLK WITH MY HUSBAND DAVE AND MY TWO CHILDREN SOPHIE AGE 22 AND LEON AGE 19. I HOPE BY READING THIS BOOK YOU CAN MOVE FORWORD LIKE I HAVE AND HAVE PEACE IN YOUR LIFE.
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| MICHAEL CONGDON |
